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Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD
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In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents' emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you'll learn how to create positive new relationships so you can build a better life.
- Sales Rank: #3212 in Audible
- Published on: 2016-05-10
- Released on: 2016-05-10
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 410 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
405 of 417 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent book
By ChelseaYogi
Recently, I read 3-4 books on children of narcissistic or self-absorbed parents. Each one was valuable in its own way, helping me untangle my thoughts and feelings.
What I like about this book, in particular, is that is reveals the systematic nature of emotionally immature thinking, which underlies the behavior of parents, lovers, friends, and public figures. By revealing the pattern and then explaining the cause (self-protection), it allows the reader to depersonalize the behavior and the damage it has done.
For the first time, I can feel "It wasn't me. It was never me. And, it's still not me." And, for the first time, I truly understand that it's a fools errand to try to make someone more emotionally mature. It's their path. I need to accept them as they are and decide how I want them in my life, if at all.
Lastly, this book is very good for people whose parents weren't excessively narcissistic, who weren't controlling or grandiose in an exaggerated fashion. One's parents can be stable and kind but still deny a deep connection with their children because they can't tolerate negative feelings. This book reveals these more subtle dynamics while explaining that the fallout is anything but subtle to a child's emotional development.
174 of 181 people found the following review helpful.
Applause for Lindsay Gibson...
By R. J. Krzak
Thank you Lindsay for being born!!! I've read countless self help books by various authors over the last three decades but, still, I never got to the heart of what was causing within me a pervasive sense of sadness, loneliness and not belonging. I've lived life mostly on the outside and in a detached way. Seldom did I feel that I fully connected with others. People would say I was a very likable person but I couldn't understand why. I never knew that I was attractive until a friend told me when I was in my teens. Even then I thought why is she saying that? I often took a backseat because I didn't have the confidence to stand up and be noticed. I could give countless examples going way back to my early childhood but suffice to say that Lindsay's book is the story of my live.
I'm an internalizer. My sister is and externalizer. In many ways my parents weren't mature enough to deal with my sister's temper tantrums and her destructiveness. I was always on the receiving end of my sister's evil doings but my parents blamed me for her s. They would give in to her all the time and at my expense. They had no control of her. My sister and mother were always together and my father adored my sister whilst, I was the pregnancy they didn't want. Yes, my mother told me that she tried to abort me during the first five months of her pregnancy, but in her words said, I couldn't get rid of you! So, she said, you were born and we were stuck with you like it or not. I was about seven years old at the time and didn't fully understand then what she was saying until I grew older.
Mother's jealousy, envy and resentment towards me were not recognized at the time but, on reflection, I now realize how damaging it was. I reflect back to when I was 15 and the only emotion that I recall was a deep sense of loneliness which I have carried with me since. Who am I? Where do I fit in? Why do I feel flawed as a human being? Why do I not feel good enough? Never ending questions. In my loneliness I felt an ever ending sorrow that I couldn't comprehend that, is, until I read Lindsay's book. I've lived most of my life with a multitude of conflicting and confusing emotions that neither I or any therapist I've seen or other books I've read has touch the spot quite like, 'Emotionally Immature Parents'. The decades have gone by and I'm now 65... at last I understand the emotional damage done throughout my early childhood and the life long affect it has had on me. However, all the could have's, would have's and should have's won't change a thing but, there's one thing for sure and that is, for the rest of my days I'll have clarity and an inner peace that I've never had. My heart is lighter and the anger all spent... what a wonderful place to be! Thank you from the bottom of my heart Lindsay. You are and angel in disguise.
143 of 152 people found the following review helpful.
If you weren't badly "abused," but still didn't feel like your family really embraced you, this is the book for you.
By Opera Fan13
There are a few negative reviews that accuse the book of being judgmental and fostering dangerous, exaggerated attitudes toward parents. I actually didn't see that at all. This book gives a name to the subtle disengagement, distance and neglect kids suffer at the hands of parents who probably do a great job of providing food, clothing, shelter and physical safety.
I burst into tears reading the chapters on internalizers and how they end up dealing with this; it was like reading my life story. I'm not sure my parents were bad enough to be considered true "narcissists," and I really do believe they love me. But they fall so clearly into the "emotional parent" (my Mom) and "passive parent" (my Dad) the author describes, and it was a disastrous combo for my sense of worth. It explained their behavior right down to exact words and phrases they use, and it also explained MY behavior and some of the self-sabotaging choices I've made as an adult. I was so relieved to hear it wasn't all in my head, that there were things I could do to find real emotional connection with other people, even in my 40s!
I didn't come away judging my folks, but rather with new insight on how to deal with them, and how not to waste another minute of my life trying to get through to family members who have no desire to change. I'll take my parents as they are and not expect more than they can give, but also begin holding myself accountable for good choices now that I have this new information with which to move forward. I'm so thankful I found this book- it was dead on in its specificity.
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